4)5 favorite bands:otep,ani difranco,seether,dark lotus,and bjork
5)3 favorite movies:strangeland,gia,and lost and delerious
6)What do you like to do in your free time:i like to write poetry sometimes short stories,i like to listen to music,walk in the woods,bird watch,play with my 3 year old brother,i think thats about all...oh and i have a habit of cutting for fun...
here is some of my writing...if you hate it im sorry ahead of time...
~SHE NEVER SLEEPS~
Wisdom of freedom,does anyone feel free?
Teasing and undeveloped,watch her grow.
Faking the answer,do you call the place you sleep home?
Deviant playing in riddles,naive talk of charity.
Malice is slow in development,shelter me please?
Corrupt the children,so no place is safe.
Call upon your god,watch as he laughs
Taking him for granted is not going to get you anywhere.
Seek more than your gratification,find more than that.
Talk among the poor,talk among the rich
Find out what true happiness is,
Much wiser on your mission,to find love.
Though sometimes people are made to be miserable.
Feigning substance,i see them try to fill them selves with knowledge.
Visit my mind,ill let you get inside.
Become the animal,crawl on all fours.
Succumb to the pain,live out your life in vain.
Rhyme your Rhymes,and rhyme nicely.
Thoughts are meant to be deciphered,fuck you.
~she has rhythem~
sadness sits like a decayed room,
nothing feels like i want to feel,
closed doors just make me wonder,
no need to hide from the heart,
it follows me floor,to road
i wish i had a reason,my pulse quickens
why dont i just try?
so many ways to close my eyes,decide
technically i am clinically dead,dont give up
i lose all hope one last time,
she spoke in a rhythmic patterns,poetic charm
telling me her stories i fear she is made up,
my best friend,a slight lie
behind these closed doors lies a girl with dreams of life,love and chaos
inspire me,talk me out of my phases faster
death was never a option,who really wants to die?
if they arent dead,life is living right?
wake me up,push me off this cloud like lie,
speaking in tongues,give me permission to live,and love
ranting my heart away,the doors shutting
tell me,tell me you will open it
pull me out,count to ten and if i dont respond
give me life,somehow with your will and soft heart
ill take your care,ill give to you all of my gratitude
something is lost,who am i talking to?
she dont exist,sitting next to me she speaks
small indecent songs ring from her lips,
she told me once i was worth it,
i asked her what was i worth,she said
she said,dear dont you know i come to you
i come to you,and i bring you my words
but you always were the one with all the words
imagination,it comes from somewhere
dont you know,i wanna love you like your my own
like your my own,you are my own
i am yours,you are mine
the thoughts ran together,
damn me,myself,and i for not giving me a straight answer.
great persuasion,talk is cheap
haven't found inspiration,still lost in denial
i'm getting uglier,and i recognize this all the time
its so hard to focus,somethings gone
yet i don't know what it is,a piece of me maybe
never could trace the border of my lies,
the furthest i ever got was to you,to you ive lost most of my soul
trying to gradually step up,start new
losing my inhibitions,lady like i play the game of life
does a girl need a reason to fall?
i certainly like to do some falling from time to time,
just to make sure i keep my priorities straight,
though i am not straight,crooked to the bone
the girls got wicked style,want to see her dance naked for the eyes
loving the intrigue,creating flaws of perfection
stop the game,give up
give into your demons,stand up and fall
i may be down now,i'm not here to stay
i walk away from insecurities,hiding behind a gaze that don't condone conversation
the uglier i feel,the sadder my stories get
the more i stay hidden,the harder it is to smile
dont tell me to change,i know i need it
ive lost hope,looking hard to find some
some thing tangible,some thing real
some thing safe,some thing i can handle
stop the game,give up
give into your demons,stand up and fall
i may be down now,i'm not here to stay.
dream your dream alone,cut your arm alone
say your prayers alone,die when your alone
cry when your alone,dont talk unless your alone
dont care to be alone,but you get used to it
thoughts are better alone,friends are better alone
death is easier to handle alone,sing when your alone
dont finish your love,lately your alone
love dont make you feel any less alone,
give into arms you will notice they dont help,
nothing does when you feel numb,and sad
~ring around my gutter~
wishing like a pissing well,thoughts of sadness rule these skys,
taught i was homeward bound,to tough to let life slip by
lighting my own way,i fear ive done a poor job
the worlds lost to me,no one stands beneath the stars with me
counting my flaws,who are you to not notice those in which are your very own?
i have covered my eyes walked blindly into arms of fire,
dont blame me for lack of trust in human inhibition,
lust does not do it anymore,holes are not meant to be filled all the time
ring around my gutter i am no longer under
seldom thoughts rule my mind,and i fall just to stand up again
alone but never thinking of anything else,i have found a safe place in myself
where i am no longer wishing your company,lashing out made me weak
could you see my fate?
leaving me in the wind,the hospital kept my void self high
yeah you left me,thats why i dont crave a being in my life
tribes of trends,tribes of you and those people you try to be
though lately i wonder who were you,to make me question me?
i wished once for love and sparkles,vivid in memory the day i lost it all
i remember you being there every time that day happened
so i call upon my inner rage,i call upon my faults
i call upon my image,to just keep me strong
i wished for wealth,though i dont mean money
craving a situation that proves im better off me
songs are sung,its not my voice you hear
so many times i ring shots at your heart,you dont even hear
ring around my gutter,the song is now over.
~inside the mind of this girl~
regret the rose color on your flesh,
simplify the reason,let go of choice
no one ever told me it was ok to say no to pain,
so as you see i like to torture me,
neglecting the joyful pain of bleeding,
you would think this is good,
no its not,i am in love with pain
beyond reason,it can not be simplified
dont misunderstand me,getting by barely
i shine as bright as the sun,if i want to
lately i have been as dark as the black in your eyes,
you dont get a smile,you dont get a hi
smoking only the cigerettes you exhale into the air,
would a girl ever say no?
when she feels so lowly lo?
though boys dont help,they sure do get in easy
the doors locked,but thats the door to my heart
not my fucking pants,shutting her out
i finger the thought of simple pleasures
though this time i barely hear her,
deciding to recognize the problem,
i ache a empty ache,i fake feelings i do not have
turning the body love down,i say no
go home lay her down,then she thanks herself
with a smile that abruptly makes her feel better inside.
cold days to cold hearts
i still remember the way you tried to make me stay
now im here alone cuz of a buzz that controlled my mind
why did i mess up i cant go back
but i still miss you
im a loser i wanna be your loser
a close call i ruined that too
i need a reason
but the reason doesent want me anymore
so i closed my heart became a real whore you would hate me now
i dreamt once that you were here again
then my eyes cried upon waking
i guess i can live and just remember you loved me once
what is this life anyways?
ill never feel warm in anothers arms
aint no one gunna see my smile lit up like it used to be
when we would fight breakup then get back together
god those fights were good
im sorry still i think your the only guy i care about
the only one id die to keep from knowing the truth
how fucked up ive become without you
and dreams wont be the same i expect no better in life than the way you cared when no one did
im over done now
im so over
i try to let go but god its so hard
im changing im staying away from myself
im trying to find the girl who thought so highly of herself
you know once i found her but she wanted to die
my heart until further notice belongs to you
im a loser
i wanna be a loser
i wanna be the girl the guys cant have the girl who has fun and dont need the fake "sex"as a way to feel somehow loved
pathetic i know
i wanna be your loser i am your loser even if you dont know
its love that makes my heart stay beating
and hopefully it helps me get somewhere before leaving
i just wanna be a loser and it feels good to be a loser
but it dont feel good to have been a whore
maybe thats to harsh but if you new the things i did youd call me worse
youd never look my way again
and so i hope somehow you never know
i gotta go
go be a loser
so good at it
i finally found a talent a talentless talent